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Parents vs. Grandparents: The Top 10 Conflicts
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It's not always easy to get along, especially when these issues come up
By The Editors
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iStockphoto1. Estrangement
Most of the other issues on this list can be resolved, or at least put aside to keep the focus on having fun with the kids, but sometimes, for whatever reason, families break apart, and grandparents become estranged from their grandchildren. When this happens, you can seek advice, whether from a family therapist, a legal expert, or a fellow grandparent who's been through it.
iStockphotoIn This Corner ...
Parents and grandparents have a lot in common, starting, of course, with their love for the children in their lives. Unfortunately, as we all know, that doesn't always stop them from bickering about a variety of issues. From names to food, and from gifts to discipline, these are the 10 issues that spark the most generational conflicts within families.
iStockphoto10. What You Can Buy Them
All you want to do is buy a gift for your grandchild. Okay, maybe you want to spoil them a little, but what's wrong with that? Plenty, if parents routinely ignore the presents you bring the kids, or return them — or if they dictate what you can buy and how much you can spend as if you were just another guest at the party.
iStockphoto9. Religion
Religiously-mixed marriages, and how the kids will be raised, is one thing. But what about when parents and grandparents share a religion, but parents are less devout than grandparents, or, equally as tricky, when they raise kids who are more observant?
iStockphoto8. The Baby's Name
Before the baby arrives, grandparents can campaign feverishly for a name they know will be proper and fitting. Afterward, the name chosen by the parents sticks, even if it's the same name as a relative you hate or just a completely ridiculous choice, and the resentment can linger.
iStockphoto7. Money
Whether it's parents and grandkids who need to learn the value of money, or one of the other money issues families never talk about, disputes about finances can lead to a jackpot of bitterness.
iStockphoto6. Babysitting Instructions
They know you've done this before, right? When grandparents come over to babysit and parents welcome them with pages of babysitting basics, there's bound to be anger. Who's in charge here? That's the eternal question.
iStockphoto5. Discipline
When it comes to making kids fall in line, today's parents just don't do it like you did. Nothing annoys grandparents more than watching their grandkids walk all over their parents, unless it's hearing the parents endlessly scream at their precious angels.
iStockphoto4. The Holidays
Christmas comes but once a year, and so does this perennial familial dispute: Which side of the family will the kids see on the holidays? It's a dilemma for parents, to be sure, but also a source of hurt feelings for the grandparents who always seem to be left out. Learn how to avoid the six things that can ruin your holiday.
iStockphoto3. What The Kids Eat
When grandparents toss and turn at night about whether to speak up about things they see going wrong at their grandkids' house, few issues rankle as much as what parents are feeding them. Too many snacks, too few vegetables, too much caving in to the separate dinner demands of multiple kids, or nonexistent table manners — it amounts to a full menu of issues to fight about.
iStockphoto2. The Other Grandparents
A grandparent's relationship with his or her grandchildren is a relationship that has to be shared with a whole other set of grandparents, or two, or three, all of whom believe they have an equally valid claim on the kids' love and playtime. It takes a lot of effort to resist your competitive urges, especially when you're convinced that you're the grandparent who's always being left out.
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